Tuesday, June 5, 2018

I'm hurtin'

I am under the tyranny of my own goal setting. 

Tim MacKay

I'm hurtin'.  Like a bad country western song, I'm hurtin'. Like a squeaky wheel on an old wagon, I'm hurtin'.  Like an old hound dog caught in a trap.. okay, you get it... I'm hurtin' bad... and like a true dude, I like to share my hurtin'.

I'm hurtin' in the knees, particularly the right one.

I ran the West Broadway Outreach 5 KM run on Sunday and it hurt. Every step hurtin' like a broken down Ford pick-up 50 miles from a gas station.....

I pulled out of the WPS run because I'm hurtin'.

I couldn't pace the RCAF Half Mary because I'm hurtin'.

I'm registered for the Manitoba Full Marathon but need to pull back to the Half... if even.  

I've written off the season because I am hurtin'. I have my eyes on Spruce Woods 50 km in October but it seems so far away and registration is limited.  I'm tired of registering for races and not running.  The pocket book hurts too!

An old friend said once "Not running is the continuous presence of absence". True, but I suggest the opposite, "Not running is the continuous absence of presence".

What does it matter?  Either way, it hurts.

Hurts like an old dog with three legs, one eye, and no home.

The 5 pounds I've gained weighs me down like a tonne of bricks.  My lethargy sits heavy.  My anxiety - can I ever run again - spikes and leaves me sleepless between the covers. I watch my food intake, but my will power weans. 

I am under the tyranny of my own goals.

My physiotherapist friend, Stephanie works quietly on my knees.  I writhe in pain. My eyes squint 'no'... I reach for her hand and squeeze... stop. 

Stephanie whispers arthritis and then says no, "I'm not ready to go down that road just yet."

We have a plan B.  She works hard on muscle tissue while I grimace in unbearable pain. She leaves me hopeful with a plan involving hard tennis balls and spiky rollers.  

Spin and Body Pump are my salvation.  They keep me sane.  They give me presence when my presence is absent.

I'm hurtin' like a battered two string banjo.

I am under the tyranny of my own goals.

It's a good day to be alive, even when we're hurtin', especially when we're hurtin'.  .